Exit poll.

I am being scorned at by my disillusioned readers after my previous post so i decided to write this post before they completely give up on me. Trust me friends, it was the best way to find out how many people actually read my posts. I realised the count was far more than i had ever anticipated. Exit poll. I hope to undo the suffering caused by the previous post but i don't intend to raise my intellectual standards for the present.

I nearly died yesterday. I was in the glass capsule lift of GRT and as we came from the 4th floor to the ground floor i could view the lounge through the back side, as i fell steadily, and realised this is what commiting suicide must be like, only faster! Well, so i wasn't really going to die. It was just a near-death experience.

I nearly collapsed drunk yesterday. We were half-way through the buffet when my friend urged me to taste the complimentary beer they were giving. I decided to give it a shot and had a mouthful. Nothing happened and the thing tasted like cough syrup gone sour so I took no more. I stuffed myself like a python and was so full by the end of the buffet that i might have collapsed under my own weight. So i wasn't really going to collapse drunk. I tasted some beer and i ate a little excess. It was a near drunken collapse.

I nearly died a second time yesterday. I was thus overloaded and continued sane and jolly conversation when my friends strangely decided i had cracked too many P(est)Js and threatened to give bumps. Considering i could feel the food wobble in my stomach when i laughed, i knew i'd kick the bucket if they kicked me. We were in the auto when they made this decision and i escaped by telling them that i was actually getting 'auto bumps' and so no manual effort was required. Phew!

If i'm still alive after this post, i promise to write a nice one the next time. I promise i'll give every reader a share of my property. Let me finish my will. Then you can shoot me. Till then.....

PITA of Pain

I, Karthik Sivaramakrishnan, propose on the 19th of April 2006, a new law called the 'PITA of Pain' which reads as follows: Every reaction must have an equal and opposite reaction.

This is not a law that helps understand nature, but a law much like the laws of a government, and is meant to be followed by the individual so that he may experience greater happiness.

Just as General Relativity wasn't understood immediately i perfectly sympathise with mortals who fail to grapple with the profundity of this law. Therefore, as a prelude to my many lectures at the meccas of learning i shall write in this post a simple elaboration of this law.

The Pain In The Ass(PITA) of Pain Law necessitates that every individual must always practise and produce the exact opposite of the reaction seen on the face of the person or persons conversing with him at any moment. For instance, if the person talking to one is smiling, one must wear a dejected look and if he is laughing out loud, one must bawl out loud and vice versa. Of what consequence is this one may ask? What this course of action does is to make sure that every emotion is experienced in a subdued manner. For instance, the happy laughter is throttled by one's wailing, the cheerful smile is made to wane by a sorrow look and so on. So neither you nor he is permitted to experience pure emotion. This is one of the greatest forms of suffering conceivable. And since, happiness and suffering are branches of the same stem, more the suffering, greater the happiness when one gets a chance to experience it. But then, if all are like this and no pure emotion is ever experienced, when does one get a chance to experience happiness? That depends on oneself. If for instance, one lives by the PITA of Pain principle from childhood until say 80 and then finds a partner, usually one's wife, and both of you consent mutually to violate the principle, then the happiness gained out of it would be so immense that it can only be said to be a Nirvana! A salvation! And hence, they can take their lives and be happy forever!

Silent protest.

I think the best means for me to express my disapproval of all those people who are perfectly indiffernt and didn't turn up for the protest today is to maintain silence. I think it beneath my contempt even to discuss them. Let me also state that i have as much respect as i always had for people who just differed in their opinion. It is those who have no opinion or oppose the reservation and didn't turn up that make me despair.

Also, i've gone over the arguments on both sides of the coin so many times today that I'll bore myself to death if i post about it. Instead, if any one cares to discuss the details i shall let them know in person. Or perhaps, i'll post about it on another day when i think lesser about it.

Since i am very grieved i only wish to relieve myself by recounting humourous anecdotes. Firstly this conversation:

Me: Half the females(?) in that picture had a crush on .e at some time or the other during these four years da.
ANiitm: But there were five females in that pic da....
Babe: Actually, one female was half behind .e so that there was effectively only 4 and a half females.
ANiitm: Four and half is also odd da.

Here are some interesting ideas i got during the protest March:

When we were all seated on the road at the end of the protest, I thought the protest seemed rather light with us just walking a disappointing 4 kilometres. I thought it would be better if this had been a week long protest instead and felt tempted to jump up in agony, scream so that the camera would turn to me, and then do the fainting act as if i had fallen down out of starvation! It stays an idea for now because I knew i'd miss my chance to gawk at the hot young journalist when i'd close my eyes at the end of the fainting act.

Then, there was this idea which provided much amusement to me and ANiitm. I thought it would be nice if the two of us should go up to one of the front rows, where the students were already choking for space and, while walking, suddenly start nudging people away on all sides of oneself saying, "Please maintain one arm distance" and stretch the arms out on either side in the fashion in which we have done it in school drills. It is prerequisite that one is to maintain a grim countenance and say it as if in earnest. The amusement obtained on seeing the sobre and perplexed faces stare at you in complete bewilderment cannot be matched by anything else!

P.S: I'm sure you've identified who ANiitm is, and i'm sure you've realised it is a payback for SKiitm. But if you are wondering what it is, please ask me in person because i know many a prude and delicate creature reads my blog and i wouldn't want to offend them.

Disabled and allowed.

I have disabled comment moderation and allowed for anyone to post a comment upon the suggestion of a friend. But i request readers not to make anonymous comments. Thanks. Also, if blogging queen starts showing interest in dating me i might have to moderate comments!

Clarification.

Dear fans and fanatics of my blog,

I have been getting millions of queries from across the span of the whole wide hostel as to how desperate a soul can get for blogging, after reading my nonsense on the elephants at Gajendra circle. Dear caring friends, i assure you i do not spend my whole day thinking up ideas and points for my blog! The article in question was written in one of my metallurgy classes while sitting in the second bench, right under the professors hair(becuase his porcupine like hair would project farther than his nose in the hunched position in which he used to stand while addressing the students by staring at the floor), when i had to pretend to be writing notes, but was least interested in paying attention to his drivel! Also, I was further urged to clarify because of one of my friends declaring in his status messages, " I live to blog, blog to live". I do neither and spend no more time than the average human being with an average life would spend on blogging. Also, before another barrage of questions target me I wish to state that this alarming frequeny of a blog a day is only because I am sufficiently idle as to spare about 30 minutes to 1 hour each day and involve myself in an exercise which i perform solely to see how well i am able to wield words to convey ideas and thoughts. Now that I have made all this clear I shall move on to the details of today's post.

It rained in Chennai today much to the delight of all. I climbed the 100 feet high water tank, the tallest point on campus, prior to the downpour, and was treated to a delightful blast of stormy wind. I also witnessed an intimidating spread and descent of the dreary grey clouds like in the movie Independence Day. Then, for fear of lightning, I decided to climb back down. The rain had beat me back to earth and I drenched myself in a fun little walk in the rain. It is perhaps not wise to do so when one has shaved one's head but I just wanted to indulge myself. The cloud formations were incredible thanks to the presence of bright sun lit patches amidst the thunderous dark clouds. Anyways, I walked back to the hostel, changed, set the windows and doors open, and decided to sit down and do some reading when the horrible smell of weed smoke tore at my nostrils. I didn't have to leave my room to realise the source of the smell. It sadly took away the smell of rain on dry earth and i moved around in the wing like an agitated animal trying to find a safe place. But my wing being what it is, i realised the safest place available was my room.

After the downpour, when i'd finished the book, i went back to the top of the tank! For the first time in months i witnessed a sunset and saw the sun in that molten orange-red colour. As I was treated to a sunset on the one side, on the other side a bright rainbow so huge had formed that its arc would enclose half my field of view. What's more, as i kept staring at the rainbow i noticed a spectacle which i'll probably never see again in my life: I saw a concentric rainbow. It was fainter than the first and located slightly above it. But that's not the incredible part. This rainbow had the colours in the reverse order ROYGBIV. I can only assume that it had formed as some kind of a reflection of the brighter one. The sight of two rainbows running in concentric arcs and having colours mirroring each other is ineffable. I am certain it is a spectacle to which only i was privileged at that time, anywhere in the world. In fact, i am not sure how many people in the world, right since humans came into existence, have ever seen a rainbow and its mirror! Lucky me!

There isn't much more i have to say. I would've lashed out at the behaviour of the students in the SAC during the graduands day dinner, but then, i behaved like a worse animal myself so i'd rather shut up to lessen my guilt. Oh, speaking of lashing out, one of my friends came up to me and said i just need an excuse to lash out at people. I was a bit taken aback because i couldn't quite place what context brought him to say that. But then, he is one of those few precious souls who said he reads my blog and i can only guess he read a few of my recent posts and came to the conclusion I am a goddam cynic looking to scorn at people whenever i get a chance. I don't know how many more people think this way but i, for one, would not like to think so. I thought i was only criticising because there was reason. But i have been told often that i am too fault-finding and i hate to admit but i suppose that is true. May be i expect too much of everyone. Everyone except myself. Oh, then i'm just a goddam hypocrite! Is this self-flagellation? Some form of crooked justice from my conscience? So be it.

Early

Well, my post is supposed to be pretty much the last thing I do in the day but today I am a little early. I wanted to read myself to bed. I was asked a question which i have been asked numerous times in these 4 years: Why don't you booze? The only reason I have is that few moments when i lose control of my mind when i get drunk. I know its not the end of the world. I know i will live to see the next day, but still, the thought that i'll lose control over myself for a few moments frightens me as much as Room 101 is feared by the proletarians of the world. People can't quite grasp that fear and say, 'It is surely worth the experience. The pleasure experienced then is unique, and, after all, don't you want happiness?' Very sound argument indeed. The only defence I have is that I am content as it is. I don't want to try something that will play with my mind. The other arguments like my inertia,ie, my tendency to remain in the state in which I am etc are just cement to the concrete. I could of course use the cul-de-sac mentioned in one of the earlier posts, which is, "Why should I have a reason not to drink? Just as you don't really need a reason to drink! You just need an excuse!" Besides, look at it in terms of statistics. Almost everyone starts out saying, "I just wanna try it da. Obviously i won't get hooked to it or anything."Well, most of them may be right in that they haven't turned into lone drinkers. They drink only on social occasions. But then, for some curious reason, the number of social occassions seem to increase as the years go by. Now, in this final semester, as most of us are passing out, i find that many of my wing mates have found the perfect excuse to drink and get stoned everyday: We'll be passing out da. Its our last chance to do all this. In fact, all they are doing now is getting up and 11 and smoking up and staying stoned until it is 11 the next day! Well, i might have forced myself to believe this lame argument, but, as things have turned out, the wing seniors turned up for the weekend and that only made sure the amount of booze and dope increased exponentially and shattered the 'last time' argument. Indeed, the arguments of drinkers and dopers are a handful and the same the world over. Almost no drinker will say things are getting out of control or 'Yes, my intake has been increasing by the year'! Actually, I feel silly now. Here I am, all clean and safe, and trying to give a defend myself against a bunch of boozers and dopers! To hell with all of 'em!

On to other things, I never thought i'd say this but i am having a surfeit of outside food. The mess food hasn't turned into ambrosia but I can't seem to relish hotel food any more. Oil soaked, and artificial, they seem so insipid to my tastes. I feel as if my tongue were being boiled in a pan of oil. Yuck! So i recently accepted my friend's hostel nite invite but asked him not to take any grub coupons for me. I had food in the mess and went. Sadly,however, the mess food was miserable that day.

Suddenly the campus is becoming a noisy place to live in and my ears are turning red. For two weeks now, there's been a hostel nite everyday almost. Each hostel provides competition to international airports in terms of noise levels. OAT too has been used about 5 times in the last two weeks. With people passing out, Gurunath sees tons of people flocking there to socialise. And during the nights, love birds hang about. Well, they don't make the place noisy but they make it crowded. You can see the embarassment in their faces as you catch them in dark corners and you feel a horrible disgust for these clandestine love affairs. Why don't they just goddam show their affection in the open, like in the US. I am beginning to whine too much it seems. I mean i am in a 600 acre forest and I am saying i can't find enough peace and quiet?! Something's wrong with me!

Also, i've suddenly started getting this feeling that if i socialise so much, i'll have nothing to feel nostalgic about. When a group spends a lot of time together all conversation reduces to small talk, and somehow, i've lost the capacity to enjoy small talk. So i've decided that i'll make sure i mix in right amounts. Am i turning into a goddam anthropophobe or whatever? Running away from the noise of crowds, running away from the crowds, running even from company! I don't know. There's too much tumult in my head. I don't know whom to trust whom not to. Who are the real friends? Who aren't? Who will be the faithful ones? Who won't? Who looks at you the way you look at them? Who doesn't? There's so much confusion that i sometimes feel its just better to run away from it all and be by myself. At least i know i am faithful to myself most of the time.

Elections are on in Chennai and a few other places I believe. All newspapers are detiorating in standards. Even the few ones that did maintain standards are falling prey to crass commecercialism. Politics too is turning filthy.All i see are sword wielding mongooses heading political parties and arguing with as much purpose as antelopes in an antler-fight. There as much tumult in the world as there is in my head. Suddenly i want to become the old man in the sea, or the ancient mariner on his ship.

Alone, alone, all all alone
Alone on a wide wide sea

Delay.

As per the resolve i took the day before,I was supposed to have written this post last night. One post a day i've decided. I am not so busy and I might make the world a better place to live in by my writing. I am feeling rather tempted to insert the 'tongue' smiley at the end of the previous sentence but I am making a determined effort to avoid it in writing. Chat and SMS is ruining my language. I wonder how long it is since i've used a word as long as 'language'! SMS has done relatively less damage thanks to T-9 but chat, particularly, has been disastrous to my grammar and more importantly to my ability to express myself in words. The colon Ps, Ds, brackets and what not have ensured i have not used a word of emoticon..er..emotion in months now! What's more, people to have become adept at interpreting the handful of smileys as per the context! Oh! Its turning into the world of 1984, just as Big Brother had wished it to be. Our vocabulary is coming down. That means a greater preciseness to our expression of thought, and consequently, lesser scope for a thought crime. But then, there is no government involved here. Its just Yahoo, a harmless search engine. Am i mistaken? Perhaps there is a government after all. Not just any government, but the Big Brother of the universe at the moment-the United States of America. Could the yahoo's emoticons be a consequence of the US governments need to prevent thought crime? Indeed, there is so much thought crime against the US the world over at the moment that i wouldn't be surprised if this were the case. So I'll be doubly careful 'bout using smileys henceforth. Instead, i'll be as verbose as I can. May be i'll even coin words like a Shakespeare. I schreem the seed(Oldspeak translation of this newspeak: I like the idea). It contris bundas sex to pregnify words(Oldspeak translation: It gives great pleasure to coin words). Well, lest i give the average reader, who is unfamiliar with the complexity of my newspeak a headache, i shall resort to using the less interesting, less expressive, less refined oldspeak. Tempted as I am to write star-sigh-star I resist. It is important for me to highlight the difficulty i undergo in making each of these efforts of will to avoid smileys not to boast about myself but to highlight to innocent readers the powerful weapon in the hands of Big Brother. Beware world! 1984 is being realised through emoticons! Please spread this message to all you know. Indulge in thought crime while you still can ye free beings for the world will soon be enslaved! I never thought i'd actually make a direct and immediate contribution to saving the world when i wrote that line earlier. Looks like I was destined to save the world. The saviour of the world. An unsung superhero. 'World! Are you listening?' Now that I know i'm a superhero let me talk about other awards i've been getting.

I collected this award on behalf of a community for the worst community on orkut. Its the BVB J'Hills 2000 community. You can see my much applauded speech there. It was a rather emotional moment and I do not wish to recall them at present. Meanwhile, i had my hair trimmed all over my head yesterday so that it is now only about 1mm all around. So this friend of mine said 'Sk shining!'. Flattering indeed! Elsewhere,apparently, my 'about me' on orkut is doing the rounds through emails and forwards. All this attention is getting to me. But then, it is also a litte stifling. I lose my freedom. The whole world knows me now it seems. Where do I hide? How do I make sure a million people don't read my post and make comments uncalled for? How do I make sure i can go safely to class without being cornered by fellow students asking for autographs? How do I make sure I am in my room without photographers and journalists coming and knocking at the door all the time? Ah, a knock on the door. Must be the journalist from the New York Times. Time to sign off folks. I promise i'll get back soon. You wouldn't understand, its tough to be a saviour of the world, a superhero, a celebrity and a student all at the same time. May be i should drop my responsibilities as a student?

Long time.

Its been a long time since i've posted a post. Or should i say lettered a post? It's also been a long time since i've posted a letter. So its been a long time since i've written anything. I've been feeling this urge to write for long now. Its turning into a sort of catharsis for me. Instead of writing a full-fledged article here i've been writing my ideas and stubborn opinions on status messages, orkut 'about me's and what not! Lot of things have been happening around the world i gather from people. I've stopped reading the newspaper. Somehow, I am happier living this sort of an ignorant and limited life. Ignorance is indeed bliss! I gather some famous Kannada actor's died and its causing much turbulence in the otherwise peaceful Karnataka. I am reminded of this dialogue of Sunil Dutt in Munna Bhai MBBS where he prevents a crowd from beating to death a pick-pocket who tries his hand on him and says something to this effect: This is the Indian janata. Each one has a ton of worries on his head. Some fellow's fought with his wife, someone with his boss......" Though i don't think all the Indians have been fighting with someone or the other, on the whole, the masses, being so innumberable, are always in surfeit;wherever;whenver; and hence, they are just waiting to release all the tensions that build up from the friction implicit to every interpersonal interaction. The slightest excuse is enough for them to break loose. This time its an actor's death. It might just as well have been the eve-teasing of some girl, some capitalist exploitation, some political comment, or just a lucky day to throw stones at people. I've stopped trying to understand them and i am more relaxed that way. But i've also stopped trying to understand most people in general. People are a wiser lot today. They are conscious of the cul-de-sacs to conversation. There can be no debate, no discussion. The moment they see that simple, concrete rational arguments are losing out they resort to these lethal weapons like, "What is good and what is bad?" "Why should anything have any purspose?" and easily lead you to a nowhere. Yair well they have a point. There is no point in asking too many questions and giving too much importance to issues. Its seems best to be indifferent. Indeed, even wise elder people seem to be advocating indifference. Half the intake of IITM might be based on reservation but none of the faculty or administration is ruffling any feathers about it. Okay, so i'll play along. I'm passing out. Why should i care? The administration has also spent several white elephants' worth on setting up a central dining facility plump in the middle of nowhere, where 3000 people should gather,some like me after half a kilometre's walk, at 4 in the 40Celsius Chennai heat just to drink a glass of evening tea. Well, don't drink your tea if you are so lazy they'll say i am sure. After all, each one in the upper rungs is bound to have got a cut in such a huge project. It never had any students' approval and it still doesn't. Isn't the facility meant for the students? Not really, its a fund for childrens' education. The profs' children. I am just being a hopeless cynic eh? Well, it isn't baseless cynicism. I have seen the red-tape and bureaucracy first hand when i had a tiff with the assistant registrar and Dean Academics over issue of transcipts at prices that would fetch me enough toilet paper to wrap the sun! Anyways, I'm passing out! I also notice that the campus is particularly unclean now. Students are as responsible as administration for this. Concrete, cement and sand for about a 100metres off the road on either side of it. Sand covering most roads. Jutting cement projections formed from layers actually meant to be at the road level covering pot-holes. Coffee cups, juice cups, biscuit wrappers, chocolate covers, plastics of all sort. Yair well, I'm passing out! The stray dog population is increasing. That's bad for the deers. And i'm passing out!

I learnt in a humanities class that it is William James who coined the phrase 'stream-of-consciousnes', the title of my blog. Well, thank you James. I haven't read of any his works but i've read his brother's famous 'The American'. Its a pretty interesting book portraying the great American dream in this stereotypical American of the 50s. I don't remember the details of the story. It was essentially a love story. I remember it had splendid dialogues.

My hostel nite got over recently. It was interesting event. It highlighted the little quirks of people and made me more aware of what i'll miss. I also realised how I am an outcast of sorts with no identity with any wing. Not that i'm saying it seeking pity. It has its own good i suppose. For instance, i may not become as emotional when i pass out,as many of the others will. I wonder how it is that booze makes people emotional. I guess it helps them loose inhibition! I have this friend who blogs just to read her own thoughts and straighten things out for herself. I greatly respect that. I'd like to sign off in the style of seven year old Helen Keller saying, "I'm tired today I did write what was on my mind I will write soon. Good-by" I respect Helen Keller.