Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Exposed to the winds of laughter..

Today i shaved my moustache for the first time in my life.Yes, that carefully grown moustache, which i could so easily have used as a tool for intimidating others by twirling it in the right direction and with the right speed, that moustache that made me feel manly, that moustache that grew solely on the lucky crumbs and liquid that escaped my mouth and clung to its sides, has been shredded mercilessly by the clean, cold edge of a razor blade. I had started shaving only a few months back and perhaps another day, when i have more free time, i shall blog about my first shave.

I had been in the habit of trimming until now. But a whole lot of factors forced me in to shaving. I am crediting a course which has a very small class strength and hence any student can easily become conscpicuous by his absence. I had already missed three classes in a row once and the prof. had asked why i had been absenting myself. So this time, as a sort of penance for repeating the mistake, i removed my moustache. Besides, i want to be conspicuous by my presence henceforth and since he is used to seeing my flimsy, teenager moustache for the last one year, i thought this shocking change in my appearance can keep him sufficiently aware of my presence for the rest of the semester, thus ensuring i retain myself in his good books in order to achieve my ulterior motives , which i shan't vouchsafe to you. Secondly, i realised that almost no one in my entire class of 32, and in fact very few on the entire campus, allowed their moustaches to grow. So i suddenly felt the odd man out and decided to go with the mob for a change. Thirdly, i decided that my moustache must become more manly, and in order to achieve that i must shave it. And finally, i thought perhaps, that it may make me look a few years younger, and thus provide suitable compensation for my receding hairline. Thus, the dreadful act has been committed.

Ha, i can see the reader's bewildered face at this point. The one answer anyone would have guessed,that most obvious of reasons is missing from my list. Yes,sadly,there will never be such an incentive.Anyways,the change has certainly made my day more interesting than the average mundane day that i spend. Firstly, as soon as i entered this low-strength-class(oh boy, looks i've been studying too hard for the quizzes..low strength class...high toughness professor...)i was welcomed with loud howls from my friends, and indeed i had confirmed that those cheers were meant for me by turning around to ensure that there wasn't a naked lady entering behind me. Secondly, one of my friends made this remark: "You look like a Mexican.".Now because the sentence itself leaves me completely in the dark as to what he meant by that and because there was no change in intonation when he uttered those words(he might as well have been saying,"The sun rises in the east.")i have no better an idea than you, dear reader, as to whether that was a compliment or a slight. Another remark thrown at me was "It makes you look gay," by one who sadly lacks creativity and imagination. But the fact that his empty head had been provoked into making an attempt was gratifying. A girl in the class blushed as well. I thought the whole class was in a state of considerable tumult during that lecture; as if they heard of some catastrophe outside and were restless to go see what had happened and were discussing in hushed whispers the possible causes of that catastrophe; i might have caused it. Somehow, i feel i didn't get a very positive response from the professor in spite of sitting in the first bench;so i think i might have to resort to more desperate measures- like shaving my head.( Oh, is my imagination actually progressing along the lines of reality? Don't people shave their heads at Tirupati if they commit a sin? Or is it when they are given a blessing? Or do they just shave their head and then decide a reason for the offering? Anyways.....)Come lunchtime, throngs of people see me, disarmed of my redoubtable moustache. Some smile; some laugh; some break into splits; some into deadly paroxysms of laughter. The ones who gave a sly smile without passing any comments agitated me more than those who were more straightforward. So much so that to one of them i just said,"If you have any remarks , please let me know. I prefer that to that smile of yours."

Well, the whole day went by like this, with people smiling at me and passing remarks in a similar vein. But i thought, instead of narrating all that, i shall tell you some of my own thoughts: Was it worth shaving the moustache? I am not so sure actually. The moustache helped me a great deal. It would weigh down on my upper lip when i talked too much thus reminding me to stop yapping; it has saved me a lot of precious time like this. See, now i am back to chattering again:( It used to give me a status in society. It made a big man out of me. In my first year of engineering,when i was a freshie myself, two freshies came up to me and asked me for help thinking i was their senior; both of them were hefty fellows who, i knew, could have made mince-meat out of me. But i made sure i exploited the chance and used it sufficiently to my amusement. One of them turned out to be in my hostel and when he came to know the truth he got furious and came to strangle me but i held him back with an innocent smile and profuse apologies(i tried my famous moustache twirl but he turned betrayer then so i guess he deserves what he got...traitor!). Yeah, but still, he has been with me through all these years like a faithful friend, and this is what i give in return?! If i were religious i would be sure which side of the earth i would be visiting later. Okay, sorry dear moustache! I shall have you back soon,right? You will come back, won't you? Bigger and better than before! And then we'll both be friends forever. I promise not to mistreat you. I shall make sure i eat more sloppily. I shall make sure you are combed and massaged everyday.I shall even let you 'meet' your friend , the beard, whose literary works are so famous. I shall do whatever you want. Please come back. Please.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

When i was bored in class.....


The two tuskers that have been standing with backs to each other for decades now present a pitiable site. They look old. They seem withered. Time and weather have taken their toll on the poor creatures. Imagine standing under the hot Chennai sun all day and then under the glaring attention of flood lights all night for years,no,decades on end! Add to this the constant honking of our cacophony-loving-drivers. And to all this misery the fact that they are standing back to back with their own kin! It is little wonder then that the poor creatures remain forever mute.

I urge the efficient administration of this prestigious institute to immediately free these creatures. If,however, we need some other means of ostentation then i suggest that we display the heads of the four most distinguished alumni of IITMadras along the lines of Mt. Rushmore in the US. Only, here the heads will be arranged as those in the national emblem so that people coming from all roads are given equal importance. Also, I suggest we call it 'Mt. Rush less'; or if we cannot have such a mammoth structure erected then merely 'Rush less'. This, i believe, would not only be more grammatically correct but also more edifying than the message on the original. Perhaps, then, all of us frenzied students would take a minute out of our busy schedules to contemplate on this profound message and gain valuable wisdom.

As for the two old elephans who have born with such dignity the the torture inflicted upon them, I bbelieve, they should be rewarded for their stoic perseverance and tolerance. We must first of all give them a nice, cool bath with plenty of water to relieve them of the dust that has accrued on their skins over these several decades. Then we must disburden them of the heavy, decorated pieces of cloth on their backs and find for them a secure place deep in the forests of our green campus. However, the location must be salubrious, sufficiently close to a source of clean water, and amidst tall trees so that the animals may have the joy of good victuals and potable water at least in these late years of their lives. To ensure that their safety further, i demand that the alarmingly high number of stray dogs, which are also a menace to the other creatures in the woods, be removed from campus.

As a true animal rights activist i cannot allow this cruelty and injustice to protract.

Quite curious convictions

This is to share with the Bhavanites, particularly the old ones, the really old ones, who've been at the old Bhavan's building some curious notions i had in my days of innocence and still remember for some strange reason.

I have done from LKG to 5th in that building before the newer, box-type structure came up a few kilometres away from this nice, village like campus that was our old school.

Apples still remind me our kindergarten uniform. They would be boldly embossed on the chests of my friends, as if to protect their tender little hearts from the cruel world, and seemed so huge against their own little bodies so that i developed a slight fear that these fruits-one of the the few things littler than us-too would outgrow us some day.

When i was wiser, and in standard III, my thoughts on the whole became more profound and mature i should like to think but some curious notions still persisted I figure. For instance, there was this kid, Vaidish Venkataraman, who was the son of the then principal Mr. Venkataraman, a man who seemed to my eyes handsome and the very emblem of grace. I used to wonder how such a man as him could have as ugly a son as Vaidish. For the nice kid was evaluated to be so by the objective mind of innocence. Yet, i feared the kid in a deferential manner. He was, after all, the principal's son, and that meant to me that he would go on to become the principal of the school. My school was the entire world for me then and there i was to live my whole life i must have thought. So that i assumed he was going to be a big man in the school and there for i considered it my duty to pay him his due respect. So, inspite of being very close friends, i would always greet him only with a grim, respectful bow of the head instead of a warm and genial smile.

I had made another peculiar inference which i still recollect. There were two fat people in my class in the third standard. The fatter was Jaganath, and the other i vaguely recollect might have been Mukund. The two of them were incredibly knowledgeable, or at any rate, pretended to great knowledge and always made astonishing factual(or at least i thought them to be so then) revelations or authoritative statements on sports, politics, et al; so i conveniently jumped to the conclusion that all fat people were intelligent, wise men and felt sorry for myself that i was thin. I don't remember if i made efforts to remedy my physical state after that but i can assure you that even if i did, those attempts were in vain.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Dedicated to a friend

This post, dear readers, is dedicated to a friend of mine, who, for some strange reason has developed an incredible liking for my posts, or so it seems. My last one, at any rate, has found favour with him.I wonder why though. He tells me it is a most unique line of thinking. I rather think what is actually apppealing to his mind is the complete chaos in my line of thought;) The mind seeks order, and it is used to finding patterns and logical connections in things.When i float so arbitrarily from one point to the next, i think the sheer randomness of this thinking, the sheer chaos in my head, and hence in my words, has a kind of appeal, or shall we say conspicuousness, because of being so contradictory to what is expected. But should i be discouraging the small audience i have by dedicating posts to individuals so early in my 'blogging career'? I shall venture the risk. Besides, i would like to lose some of my readership. I seem to have more spammers posting comments than friends! The last post, there were four comments, and all four of them spams. But i guess, while they are reading i should not mind it too much. After all, they never post unfriendly comments. It is always a compliment followed by a request to check out some site. And i just noticed, one of them is for dating! How kind these spammers are to me! Then there are two in bold saying, 'MAKE MONEY NOW'! Hmm...that's not bad advice either. Edifying spam:) So, if one of you spammers happen to actually read my blog, i should like to inform you that i am not getting enough spams in my e-mail inbox; and the mails from friends are few and far in between as well. I should like to see a nice, big no. against the 'inbox' link in my mail. Could you please send me some spams there too? It is a request in earnest. But do send me nice ones like 'A FREE TRIP AROUND THE WORLD', or, 'COME VISIT UTOPIA', or, 'FRUITS UNLIMITED', or something like that. I promise to return the favour to you spammers by spamming back. You can always spam me your wishes and i shall spam back my favours.Or else i'll just spam you the most horrible things you can ever see. My grade sheets for instance, or may be a photograph of my room. Er..i seem to going off track here. This seems more like a blog dedicated to spammers. Sorry pal.

So, getting back to where i was: My train of thought. I wonder what it would be like if there could actually be 'trains of thought'. I mean, trains, like goods trains, carrying thoughts, neatly packaged, from the source,the man with the ideas, to the receiver, the man who asked for the ideas. Well,but that seems inefficient. If i wanted someone's idea, why would i ask him to mail it to me? I would just talk to him directly or over the phone. Or how about this: people send in their thoughts to the railway station, or say to the department of thoughts, where the thoughts are sorted out according to category,ie, on what the thoughts are and what the nature of those thoughts be, and then they are packaged and each category of thoughts travels in a different compartment takes a certain route covering several destinations, and at each of these destinations, a certain pre-ordered load of thoughts, a certain no. of packets of thought, is unloaded and sent to that destination's department of thoughts.This deparment of thoughts not only receives people's thoughts but also accepts requests from people for thoughts on issues in which they need help and hence, when the load arrives, the department officials read through the requests and send to each person the sort of thoughts that he might be looking for. Nah, it isn't worked out well enough. I have to spend more time and work out the details.Besides, in which old-fashioned world am i? It is for these reasons that we have internet forums for everything nowadays. Oh well, it had me imagining for a while and it was worth a shot i guess. Hypothetical though...packaging thoughts...but the department of thoughts might have helped provide employment to a lot of unemployed indians and they can resort to the usual demand for inducements and all and it might actually help a good many people. So it is worth taking up the issue more seriously, if not for its efficiency then for its expediency.Ah, crap. Shall think of something better to post next time. Meanwhile, i hope to have thoroughly disillusioned my friend;)