Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Exposed to the winds of laughter..

Today i shaved my moustache for the first time in my life.Yes, that carefully grown moustache, which i could so easily have used as a tool for intimidating others by twirling it in the right direction and with the right speed, that moustache that made me feel manly, that moustache that grew solely on the lucky crumbs and liquid that escaped my mouth and clung to its sides, has been shredded mercilessly by the clean, cold edge of a razor blade. I had started shaving only a few months back and perhaps another day, when i have more free time, i shall blog about my first shave.

I had been in the habit of trimming until now. But a whole lot of factors forced me in to shaving. I am crediting a course which has a very small class strength and hence any student can easily become conscpicuous by his absence. I had already missed three classes in a row once and the prof. had asked why i had been absenting myself. So this time, as a sort of penance for repeating the mistake, i removed my moustache. Besides, i want to be conspicuous by my presence henceforth and since he is used to seeing my flimsy, teenager moustache for the last one year, i thought this shocking change in my appearance can keep him sufficiently aware of my presence for the rest of the semester, thus ensuring i retain myself in his good books in order to achieve my ulterior motives , which i shan't vouchsafe to you. Secondly, i realised that almost no one in my entire class of 32, and in fact very few on the entire campus, allowed their moustaches to grow. So i suddenly felt the odd man out and decided to go with the mob for a change. Thirdly, i decided that my moustache must become more manly, and in order to achieve that i must shave it. And finally, i thought perhaps, that it may make me look a few years younger, and thus provide suitable compensation for my receding hairline. Thus, the dreadful act has been committed.

Ha, i can see the reader's bewildered face at this point. The one answer anyone would have guessed,that most obvious of reasons is missing from my list. Yes,sadly,there will never be such an incentive.Anyways,the change has certainly made my day more interesting than the average mundane day that i spend. Firstly, as soon as i entered this low-strength-class(oh boy, looks i've been studying too hard for the quizzes..low strength class...high toughness professor...)i was welcomed with loud howls from my friends, and indeed i had confirmed that those cheers were meant for me by turning around to ensure that there wasn't a naked lady entering behind me. Secondly, one of my friends made this remark: "You look like a Mexican.".Now because the sentence itself leaves me completely in the dark as to what he meant by that and because there was no change in intonation when he uttered those words(he might as well have been saying,"The sun rises in the east.")i have no better an idea than you, dear reader, as to whether that was a compliment or a slight. Another remark thrown at me was "It makes you look gay," by one who sadly lacks creativity and imagination. But the fact that his empty head had been provoked into making an attempt was gratifying. A girl in the class blushed as well. I thought the whole class was in a state of considerable tumult during that lecture; as if they heard of some catastrophe outside and were restless to go see what had happened and were discussing in hushed whispers the possible causes of that catastrophe; i might have caused it. Somehow, i feel i didn't get a very positive response from the professor in spite of sitting in the first bench;so i think i might have to resort to more desperate measures- like shaving my head.( Oh, is my imagination actually progressing along the lines of reality? Don't people shave their heads at Tirupati if they commit a sin? Or is it when they are given a blessing? Or do they just shave their head and then decide a reason for the offering? Anyways.....)Come lunchtime, throngs of people see me, disarmed of my redoubtable moustache. Some smile; some laugh; some break into splits; some into deadly paroxysms of laughter. The ones who gave a sly smile without passing any comments agitated me more than those who were more straightforward. So much so that to one of them i just said,"If you have any remarks , please let me know. I prefer that to that smile of yours."

Well, the whole day went by like this, with people smiling at me and passing remarks in a similar vein. But i thought, instead of narrating all that, i shall tell you some of my own thoughts: Was it worth shaving the moustache? I am not so sure actually. The moustache helped me a great deal. It would weigh down on my upper lip when i talked too much thus reminding me to stop yapping; it has saved me a lot of precious time like this. See, now i am back to chattering again:( It used to give me a status in society. It made a big man out of me. In my first year of engineering,when i was a freshie myself, two freshies came up to me and asked me for help thinking i was their senior; both of them were hefty fellows who, i knew, could have made mince-meat out of me. But i made sure i exploited the chance and used it sufficiently to my amusement. One of them turned out to be in my hostel and when he came to know the truth he got furious and came to strangle me but i held him back with an innocent smile and profuse apologies(i tried my famous moustache twirl but he turned betrayer then so i guess he deserves what he got...traitor!). Yeah, but still, he has been with me through all these years like a faithful friend, and this is what i give in return?! If i were religious i would be sure which side of the earth i would be visiting later. Okay, sorry dear moustache! I shall have you back soon,right? You will come back, won't you? Bigger and better than before! And then we'll both be friends forever. I promise not to mistreat you. I shall make sure i eat more sloppily. I shall make sure you are combed and massaged everyday.I shall even let you 'meet' your friend , the beard, whose literary works are so famous. I shall do whatever you want. Please come back. Please.


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D said...

Dude!!! Hilarious!!!:)