Thursday, May 18, 2006

Future plans.

I was writing this post one April evening when work called and so i'd saved it and then forgot about it. So i post it now.

My I-20 will take another month to arrive and the university won't tell me the details by email or phone. So i'm assuming i won't get a visa slot and won't be able to go abroad for my higher studies. So i have to make future plans.

I don't wish to depend on my parents still.That means i have to earn. I've rejected my Tata Motors job so i don't have a job on hand. Who says he who can wield words need become a writer or a journalist only? I intend to get my first earnings writing resignation letters for people who wish to resign. Dear readers, i need your help in publicity and advertisement. Please inform everyone you know that they need worry no more about how to word those crucial resignation letters because now they can get professional help. And then, you give them my email id for further details. I'll even personalise the resignation letter, both to the taste of the resigner and his boss! Considering i have such a comprehensive proposition on hand and such a dear lot of readers i am sure i'll get a good earning through this business. Once i become reputed i plan to expand. I'll move into leave letters. First, for adults in offices, since i would already have established a reputation through writing resignation letters! Then i'll branch into college students, and finally, the largest section, school leave letters! By then i hope to have moved into a full-fledged office with printing facility and suchlike so that i can make hard copies and deliver them to the address of the customer! I guess i'll also be doing a good deed by providing small-scale employment by hiring a few delivery men. Once i become established in this busines and my name begins to do the rounds, since i'd have more wealth on my hands, i'd be more greedy, and hence, i'd have to increase my profit margins, like a cold-hearted capitalist. For this, i plan to move into sacred territories. I plan to release professionally written love letters on bond paper with my name as a water-mark. It would be so worded that no girl can resist falling in love with the person who gives her this letter. As i respect the women of the world and don't want them falling in love with too many men at a time i shall regulate the supply of these letters and release them in limited editions. Mind you, there is no secrecy about these letters. The girl would be well aware that her would-be lover has not written the letter. It is only that she'd be helplessly bowled over by the wording. She would say, "Oh sweetheart! You are giving me Karthik's love letter. How sweet of you! Now i love you more than ever darling!" Once i enter this domain and succeed i'm sure to be a celebrity soon. Since my business would be a clear monopoly, i'd take things easy from here on and it would only be a question of picking and choosing my domains. Since i'd be largely responsible for many a marriage in the world by then, through my love letters, i feel it would be my responsibility to handle divorce petitions too! I'd use video-phone to hear out the complaints of the man/woman from inside my air-conditioned office and personalise a standard-format divorce notice and have it delivered by flight using my own private delivery service. Once such a petition as this has been filed, no judge can give a verdict except that which my letter would implicitly dictate. With so many succcessful businesses running parallely drawing green blood, i'd be filthy rich and famous and there'd be no need for me to go any further. But, if i feel like it then, i might also venture to write political speeches. This of course would make me rich beyond any man's wildest dreams. My speeches would be so worded as to instantly win over the votes of the majority of the masses. These speeches, as you might well have realised, needn't be modified depending on the consituency being addressed. In fact, it needn't even be in a language familiar to the people of the constituency. It can even be a mere sequence of numbers. But i shall send along with it a 'User's Manual' which will have critical lessons on intonations, dramatisation etc: Once the lessons in the manual have been practised the politician would even be able to say ' 1 23 47 32 4033' such as to make the people believe he is disgorging patriotic mumbo-jumbo. I have determined the particular sequence of intonations that can arouse any mob of yahoos into worshipping that politician who reads my speech. But then, i realise that once the manual has been carefully written my work is over, and the rest is the burden of the millions of my cashiers across the globe whose tillers would be titillating under the weight of political greasers competing for the limited supply of my manuals!

Ah, what a wonderful future i have lying ahead of me!

To hell with the my I-20. In fact, I think i just might bump ASU now!


Arun said...

yeah, why dont you try writing diplomatic lettters between countries? why dont you take control of the world? poda! pain fellow

cc said...


abi said...

utter joblessness

JK said...

Has anyone approached u for a letter yet? ;)

Avada Kedavra said...

wat plans u had!! everything's ruined since u got the I20 :-P
But u didnt help me write my resignation letter X(