I'd bought a can of condensed mushroom soup this weekend. Having returned home late from lab I wasn't in the mood for a full fledged dinner. Thought I'd make the soup. Here's how I did it:
1) Place a large empty vessel on the stove and turn the flame to maximum so that the soup will be ready in 2 minutes to eat!
2)Then, get down to washing a ladle with which to stir the soup, and a spoon with which to empty the condensed can of soup into the vessel.
3) Read the instructions on the back of the can. All this while the pan is still on maximum with nothing in it.
4) Read the following instruction: Heat soup + 1 can of milk. Also read that it serves 4 people.
5) Wonder if I should really be emptying a one gallon can of milk into just 10 ounce of condensed soup.
6) Decide wisely against it but pour 5 cups anyways so that it can be had twice.
7) Dig around in the fridge for some veggies to make the soup tasty.
8) Find a huge bag of cole slaw veggies lying around and discover with considerable shock that it is one whole day past expiry.
9) Decide to get creative and quickly empty the whole bag into the soup only to realise there's so much cabbage it rises to twice the height of the soup which already has 5 cups of milk in it.
10) Decide there's just way too much milk already and wisely avoid adding any more water.
11) Go sit in front of TV while milk reaches a boil and ask roommate whether one should really be adding a one gallon can of milk to just 10 ounce of consensed soup??
13) Get the following response: One can milk implies fill the empty soup can with milk and pour once!
14) Lavish praise on roommate's intellgence.
15) Comment on the stench that always arises from cabbage.
16) Realise that its not the stench of cabbage but a strong burning smell.
17) Run hastily to switch off gas.
18) Empty half the unnameable unsightly uninhalable mess into a bowl and attempt to taste it.
19) Burn tongue.
20) Wait a minute and taste again.
22) Make realisations:
Realise that it is the milk that burns if flame is on maximum. Cabbage doesn't.
Realise that cabbage too burns given enough time.
Realise that a pound of cabbage in half a gallon of burnt milk+condensed mushroom soup is not quite creativity.
23) Take consolation in the fact that it was all done in 2 minutes at any rate! :)